The open-hearted lover archetype, embodying the feminine principle Eros, manifests in the energy and fertility of nature. By combining Eros and Logos, the resulting creative energy is the consequence of the synergy of Jung’s anima/animus union. Male lovers are at ease with their own deepest feelings and their most central values and visions.
Only through supporting the union of our feminine and the masculine sides can our culture prosper and grow. The Open-Hearted Lover embraces the “we,” not the “me” in relationships and society. The shadow of the Lover is impotent, sterile and without compassion. He also can destroy spiritual connections between people with just one cynical remark.
About the Series
The Real Men book series consists of four books designed to help men develop their feminine side. Men are largely unaware of their feminine side that has been denigrated by many in our modern world. Real Men is a series of books that addresses what men need to do to become fully mature and effective.
- The Male Mother: The Missing Skill Set For Fathers
- The Servant Leader: What the World Needs Now
- The Wise Elder: Harvesting the Wisdom of Our Fathers & Grandfathers
- The Open-Hearted Lover: Love Is All You Need
About this Book
CICRCL Press announces the release of a new book by Barry Weinhold titled “THE OPEN-HEARTED LOVER: Love Is All You Need. The book is available for purchase at Amazon Books. This book is the fourth and last book in Barry’s “Real Men” series. The other books in this series include “The Male Mother,” The Servant Leader,” and “The Wise Elder.”
All of the books in this series were written to help men find balance and integration of the masculine and feminine sides of their personality. Many women also have read these books to learn more about men who have a balanced and integrated personality, which is the kind of man they are looking for in their relationships.
This final book in the series will actually take you all over the map. I am not going to write about men and love just from a left-brained scientific viewpoint or just from a right brain intuitive perspective. Instead, I am going to attempt to integrate both the scientific and intuitive perspectives into some coherent whole. This is no mean trick and I don’t know if anyone has ever tried to do this before. I guess the expression “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread” might apply to me and to my task of writing this book. This book contains new and unique information about how men love and the obstacles that stand in their way of giving and receiving unconditional love.
In the first chapter, I present ideas from a variety of sources as an attempt to answer the big question: “What is love?” First, I gathered the ideas of the “experts,” who are 4-8 year olds. Then I asked 9-16 year olds the same question and finally I asked my adult friends to answer this question. It makes for an interesting and humorous read.
In Chapter Two, my next objective was to describe the various kinds of love. In pursuit of that goal, I describe eight different kinds of love. In addition, I describe the connection between love and marriage throughout history bringing it up to present times. In the same chapter, I describe the developmental sequence that occurs in loving relationships. This grows out of my research, using the systemic developmental theory I created called Developmental Systems Theory that describes the developmental processes that an individual, a couple, a family, a small or large organization, a community or culture, a nation-state and the whole human race. According to my theory, all human systems have to go through the same developmental processes as they evolve. I follow that with a description of four types of sexual relationships, to show how sex and love are related. I end Chapter Two with a Case Study to illustrate some of the ideas I present in this chapter.
Chapter Three describes what “falling in love” means. I start with an example of how two bald eagles fall in love and how they strive to maintain their love relationship. Then I describe the hormonal changes that occur during the experience of falling in love and the signs to pay attention to that tell you that you are falling in love. I follow that with stories from contributors, who are men who describe what the experience of falling in love was like for them. Finally, I include what kids (ages 4-10) say about falling in love, followed by how teenagers describe this experience. Interesting read.
Chapter Four take the reader through the history of love and marriage and how they have evolved over time. Here I summarize over 30,000 years of the topic of love and marriage. I look at the history of love and marriage over time and show how it has evolved and bring the reader up to how love and marriage are currently being practiced.
Chapter Five is all about the biology of love in men. Here I discuss some important biological differences between men and women, including differences in brain development. Finally, I present ideas about the wisdom of the heart and quote some of the research of the HeartMath Institute. I also introduce the idea that unhealed developmental traumas biologically affects men and their ability to open their hearts. I also include ways the biology of gay men is different in some important ways from straight men.
Chapter Six shows how love changes for men over their lifespan. I look at the hormonal changes over the lifespan of a man as well as the developmental stages they go through as they evolve. I go all the way back to the pre-natal brain of males to explain why they often lag behind females in their physical and emotional development. Following that, is a discussion of how the brain in men changes as they age.
Chapter Seven presents information on the specific health risks and other factors that men have that women don’t seem to have. I look at how these factors contribute to reducing the life expectancy of men. I discuss the long-term health effects shown in Adverse Childhood Experiences Research as well as the limitations of that research and how to overcome those limitations.
Chapter Eight looks at the personal/psychological barriers that men have to overcome in in order to become more Open-Hearted. Here I describe the Mother and Father wounds that cause men to close their hearts. I discuss what happens to men who do not heal these wounds and how it relates to their attitudes and behavior toward women. I take a look at why men turn to pornography, prostitution and pedophilia. This is an eye-opening chapter that forces men to look at their attitudes and behaviors toward women and compels them to find the root causes of these attitudes and behaviors.
Chapter Nine describes the social/cultural barriers that men have to overcome if they are striving to be open-hearted lovers. I share my story in this chapter of the social/cultural barriers I had to overcome. I look at the impact of our modern culture on our ideas about romance and love. I criticize the media, including social media, for their lack of understanding of the barriers that men face. I also look at the social/cultural origins of homophobia, sexism, and misogyny in men. Finally, I examine the challenges that men face at work. This reveals some of the core social/cultural barriers that many men face every day in our modern world that men have to overcome if they are going to be an open-hearted lover.
In Chapter Ten, I present effective strategies for overcoming the personal/psychological obstacles that men face. This includes effective ways for men to heal their mother and father wounds. In addition, I describe the deepest personal/psychological obstacles that men face involving shame-based beliefs that they hold. I help the reader identify these beliefs, find the sources of them and find ways to change them. I have developed a five-step process to help men do this. It literally can change men’s lives. I borrow some of the concepts of Colin Tipping from his book Radical Self-Forgiveness to help men change their shame-based beliefs.
Chapter Eleven shows men how to effectively overcome the social/cultural obstacles that are preventing them from opening their hearts and loving themselves and others unconditionally. One of the biggest obstacle that men face is the lack of social/cultural support for them to develop their feminine side. This is where their heart lies. The homophobic culture they live in is a big barrier. If men are courageous enough to overcome the social/cultural biases preventing them from developing their feminine side, they can truly become open-hearted lovers. This chapter shows both gay and straight men how to do this.
Chapter Twelve looks more closely at what it means to be an open-hearted lover as a modern man. It includes a Self-Quiz to help the reader to identify things they can do to live a more authentic life as an open-hearted lover. I include my story on how I overcame some of the personal/psychological and social/cultural beliefs on my journey to become an open-hearted lover. The focus of this chapter is to help men raise their consciousness to where they have no choice but to be an open-hearted lover.
Chapter Thirteen is the visionary chapter in the book where I look at what the future would be like if most men became open-hearted lovers. Here I return to the biggest challenge for men, which is learning to love themselves unconditionally. I describe current rituals about romantic love in other countries and include a list of about 130 holidays each year in this country that center on the expression of love, mostly romantic love. Believe it or not we actually live in a country that has more holidays each year that celebrate love than any other country in the world. It is time we took advantage of this built-in way to celebrate being an open-hearted lover.
This book was not written solely by me. Every word in the book was guided by spirit, or my inner guidance that I listen to when I write. It also contains the thoughts of many others including 14 adult males who contributed to the book by answering three questions:
- What is Love? They each gave their definition and it is included in the book.
- What was your first live like? I asked each of them to tell their story of what “falling in love” was like for them.
- What strategies have you found worked best to help sustain your love relationships? This provides the reader with practical strategies for sustaining their love relationships.
My hope is that you also will be guided by spirit when you read this book and allow spirit to provide you with the insights and ways to change your life. My hope is that by reading this book, you will become a more complete open-hearted lover, who is able to give and receive unconditional love freely in your life.